Our Angel Babies - the ones we didn't get to keep earth side.
And for their Mummas who walk among us.
Miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death, the words that make
the heart of every mother skip a beat. We clutch ourselves and
whisper 'not me, please'.
But it happens. It happens to people like me and just like you. In
a flash, in a second, in less than a blink of the eye, that precious
heartbeat can be gone, and the agony of living with loss begins.
Grief is a terrible companion; an ever present uninvited guest
that pops up out of the blue, stalks you at every opportunity and
at times feels relentless. When you are the parent of an Angel
baby this grief can be compounded by other people's fear. Fear of
talking about your baby, fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of
making loss real for themselves, fear of shaking their own pure,
blind faith in pregnancy, fear of getting it wrong, fear of knowing
the depth of your pain, fear of making your grief worse, fear of
reminding you of your loss.
- There is no right way. There is no wrong way. There is simply your grief.
- It is ok to not be ok.
- Everybody grieves differently
- You are not alone.
- It is ok to ask for help.
- It is Ok to be angry.
- It is OK to have pictures and items that represent your baby
- Grief is shit.
- Grief will sneak up on you and catch you unaware.
- You will live again, it will be a new way of living, but it will be
- You will catch yourself laughing. And that is ok too.
- If you have another baby, you may worry that it will take away
- You will wonder if you can love that much again. You will. I
Click on the links below for more support or call the numbers listed.
For family and friends of someone who has an angel baby:
As a birthworker, and a Mumma to an angel baby, let me share some tips with you:
- You cannot make a parents grief worse by talking about their child. Ask them, they will tell you if it is not ok for them.
- Talk about their child, say their name. You will not remind them of their loss as they will NEVER forget; they just stop talking about it.
- Talking about loss will not make it more likely to happen to you.
- There is literally nothing you can say or do that will make it better, when there is nothing else to give - give love.
- Do not tell a grieving parent that it was nature's way/god's plan or a better outcome when their child has died. Their child is dead. These words do not ease pain.
- Everybody grieves differently, please do not ever set a time limit or expectations on someone else's grief.
- Be kind. Always
SANDS – 1300 072 637 – is an independent organisation that provides support for newborn death, stillbirth and miscarriage.
Pregnancy Birth and Baby – 1800 882 436 – Call for trusted advice and emotional support anytime 7 days a week.
Bears of Hope – 1300 11 HOPE – Provides grief support and care for families who experience the loss of their baby.
Pregnancy Loss Australia - support and guidance for miscarriage.